Marriage and family likely will one day be your greatest achievements, and these can be your greatest sources of joy. It all depends on us choosing to find hope where many people see despair and doubts.
Remarriage is often talked down, because it is difficult to blend families. However, it should be noted that it is possible and has been done well and successfully.
We hear more often of stories of stories where remarriages don’t work, destroy families more, or hurt parent-child relationships because it’s often hard to transition back to two parents especially when one is a completely new person. It’s difficult if one parent for whatever reason feels hurt by their spouse they will choose to .. In this same way, parent to parent relationships can also suffer because of children struggle to adapt and can feel left out.
Widowers have more successful remarriages, but no matter the circumstances melding families CAN be done. Two divorcees could get married with children from previous marriages and make things work and find happiness.
The question is how? How do we avoid making the usual mistakes? What can we do now to prevent separation and divorce where possible?
About 70% of those who divorce wish they hadn’t within 2 years. Not just because it is a difficult lifestyle change, but bc they believe they could have made it work. On the other hand, 70% of those who are dissatisfied with their marriages but stick it out for five years and are together through the hard stuff and don’t get divorced, after the five years feel satisfied or highly satisfied with their marriages. It proves true that working through issues and being there for each other in the hard times works! Not only for friendships and family bonds, but in your marriage.
Step-parents also have negative connotations due to movies and fairy tales. Just because the stories of our youth we have been taught something, doesn’t mean it is true. Anyone can be a great step-parent, but let’s look at where people go wrong and some ideas of what qualities a step-parent will need.
The biggest issue step-parents are confronted with are how to discipline or handle children that aren’t actually theirs. This can lead to a lot of problems that end badly for both parents and children and can end in another divorce. So how do you discipline your spouses child? Simple, you don’t.
In a sense you become their fantastic aunt or uncle. As this person in their life here are some good qualities to have:
- Joyful
- A great listener (who knows when to talk to their spouse about what is goin on in their child’s life)
- Gives great and loving counsel/advice
- Expresses love
- Would take child(ten) as their own/live them and want to keep them.
- Accepting, kind and warm
- Engaged in child’s life and supportive
- Takes care of them when parents can’t
Think about your own aunt or uncle (whether blood relation or figure). What qualities did they have?
Recognizing that they aren’t your child, but that you can still be and example and have a good impact on them.
Whatever your current situation may be, and what our culture is, you can still make things work. You can change the norms and change the culture!
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