Why are we so afraid to
talk about sexual intimacy with our children? If we don’t communicate with them
about it, they will be confused. Especially when it was such a common theme in ALL
our media.
It is understandable to
be uncomfortable or intimidated by the thought of explaining and teaching children
these concepts and instilling in them values. Many of our own parents struggled
to educate us. I never even got “the talk.” Their parents spoke little to
nothing of anything sexual, since it became taboo during that time. Can we
really blame any of them? We can change this track record; we can help our children
become educated and safe. We can start a trend of understanding and education,
so our children can make decisions worthy of who they are. We can help them put the sacred in sexual
intimacy, and help them understand it’s nature as divine and a blessing that
must be treated with respect.
How?
Our generation has been
blessed with so many amazing resources, especially with the internet. In
preparation for class we discovered some of these resources.
Two very helpful and
useful sources were:
The National Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy’s
“Making a Love Connection” by Barbara Dafoe Whitehead and Marline Pearson.
And, the pamphlet “A
Parent’s Guide”, by the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.
Both of these resources pointed out that as parents
we need to be the ones to educate our children, and that we need to change our
mindsets and quit focusing on the negative alone. Too often (and maybe for that
reason) we avoid teaching them how to successfully navigate relationships. In
fact, the author’s of “Making a Love Connection” state the importance this plays
in our children, and more specifically our teens. “Helping young people
understand the very nature of relationships has been the missing ingredient in
the nation’s efforts at delaying sexual activity, avoiding teen pregnancy, and
helping prepare young people for successful marriages. Teens hear about biology
and body parts, they are instructed on how to reduce the risk of pregnancy and
sexually transmitted diseases, but rarely are they given guidance about how to
successfully navigate the minefields of teen and young adult relationships. In
short, young people are often told what to avoid, but hardly ever told how to
achieve responsible and respectful relationships. As the authors suggest, we
need to address what motivates teens and appeal to their aspirations rather
than continue to simply try to help them manage risks.”
Our society really has grown
lax in showing and teaching our children and adolescents what the appropriate “sequence
of success” is when it comes to relationships, sexual intimacy, and marriage. In
fact, much of the world’s beliefs when it comes to these three aren’t true, although
logic would agree. Things like cohabitation before marriage (to test things
out), young teens in serious relationships, and getting married well into your career
and financial stability.
“. . . too many young
people, and adults for that matter, are—as teens would say—clueless about this
sequence of success and shouldn’t be.” What is this “sequence of success” they are
referring to? “Graduate from high school (at least), don’t have a baby until
you are married, and don’t marry during the teen years. By doing so, young
people greatly reduce their chances of poverty and divorce.” Don’t we all want
that for our children? Stronger future relationships and marriages for our kids
will require us to begin educating them young. Although many of us are not yet
parents, the time to prepare is now! The time to decide how we will raise,
teach and educate our children is now. Here are some ideas from the pamphlet "A Parent's Guide":
-Talk more than about
the facts of life, communicate values and convictions about sex, love,
commitment, and marriage.
- Gather and utilize
resources on how to express and talk about sex, love, emotions, commitment,
relationships, and marriage.
- Participate in/with
schools, communities, religious groups, youth development programs, and other
youth-serving institutions to include parents as partners in in sex and relationship
education.
- Keep things simple.
Use pamphlets, talking points, fact sheets, online assistance, sample scripts,
and easy - to - use booklets.
References:
https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/manual/a-parents-guide/title-page?lang=eng
http://advocatesforadolescentmothers.com/wp-content/uploads/love_connection.pdf
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