Is Stress Good for You?

Have you ever wondered why everyone is always stressed out? Why you’re stressed out? Are you ever stressed when there isn’t any stress in your life because you wonder when life is going to hit with something else? Here’s an even crazier thought... have you ever thought maybe all that stress you face daily is actually a good thing? Stress on you as individual or within relationships with others or even your family? Do you ever look back and actually see some good come out of it? 

Stress is a normal part of our lives, if you hadn’t noticed. It’s not only normal, like bacteria, fat, or chocolate, a certain kind, type or amount is healthy and actually good for you. Obviously, let’s keep in mind we need moderation in all things, and I’m not saying ALL stress levels or types are 100% healthy. In fact, even the kind that is healthy to one person, can be bad for someone else. Let me take a step back and explain that better. It’s healthy on a person-to-person basis. The amount it can help you and those around you is determined by how you and others perceive the stress. 

Let’s take a look at one example of this: 

Bridget’s mom woke her up like she usually does every morning for school. “Ugh” she grumbled beneath her comforter. Why didn’t her mom just get her an alarm clock like everyone else had. Something she could hit in the mornings to get her anger out, and she could program it for however many snoozes she wanted. (Bridget doesn’t seem very happy right now. She perceives life as being a drag and is thinking pretty negatively.) 

Then her mom says “Come on honey, didn’t you want to check out that sale at the mall?” Bridget immediately returns to reality. Oh wait, it’s Saturday! She thought to herself. How could I have forgotten! She sat up straight in her bed, and looked at the analog clock on her wall, was it really that late already? Thank goodness mom woke me up in time. (What changed? Why is Bridget’s outlook suddenly brighter?)

Bridget’s attitude of things small to big changes in this scenario based on her perception. She was negative when she saw her life as hard and against her, but when things went her way she saw things previously negative as positive. Naturally this type of scenario is very small in scope to most family stressors. Also, it should be pointed out that Bridget very well could have kept her negative attitude even after remembering it was Saturday and there was a sale at the mall. On the other side of things she could have reacted to all of it positively. The way we perceive life in general is very important too. 

Someone very wise once told me “never assume”. The more I learn about the things that cause strain, what actually begins the strain is perception of others (ex: your relationship with them) and the stress itself.

Perhaps, for example, you and your friend are upset with each other. However, upon communication you find that you assumed she was angry at you and she thought you disapproved of her new hairstyle and she couldn’t stand the thought of her friend was judging her. Assuming will never find the truth, and most of the time what we assume isn’t true. These lies are what make us fear - or stress about - stressors or strain on  family life and life in general. 

Of course, there are definitely cases of depression and anxiety out there. There are many who need to work through these problems, and we are blessed to constantly have more and methods and means to solve these day to day difficulties. I myself struggle with anxiety and Seasonal Affective Disorder or (SAD), a type of depression. 

Something our professor mentioned this week rang true with me, and hope even if you feel differently that you’ll at least see things in a new light. 

Fear, stress and anxiety is about how you perceive things. For example, if you’re like me and you don’t like confrontation. Yet, hidden behind that is the fear that you don’t have what it takes to stick up for yourself and/or you don’t want the friendship/relationship to end. Changing this fear, will take take changing your perspective. Maybe you are good at confrontation. Have you given yourself a chance? Likely if you’re afraid of it, you want peace and happiness for everyone involved. That sounds like a person capable of having a good talk and working through problems carefully and considerately(not a screaming match). If others can’t handle confrontation or talk civilly that isn’t on you. It doesn’t take away from any of your abilities to be calm and open. Now that perception has changed. You no longer view yourself as a failure before you even let yourself try. How confident do you feel now confronting someone? 

In the family stress or stressors (events that can bring strain to the family) can either make or break families. What happens as a result is up to the family. 

The death of a child can grow family ties and bonds, or each member can pull away and it can tear the family apart. 

How does the family perceive it? Is this the end, the last time they will see this child? Do they believe in an afterlife or reincarnation? How will this change their view? Death is death, but hope is hope! If the family believes they will see their child/sibling again, that gives them hope and a different perspective on death. It’s no longer “the end”, it’s an end, and also a beginning.

Will this event change the family for better or for worse? Everyone in the family may be experiencing slightly different pain or emotions, but the root cause is the same. They each are going through the same stressor, regardless of whether in the same fashion as the next person. Holding to each other in this hard time is most important. Especially the parents! If Mom and Dad are the example, and are hanging onto each other, the children will likely follow suit.