Spotting the Emotional Needs of Others/Become a Spotter Others Can Trust

 

What is a spotter?

            For those of you who enjoy the gym (I can’t say I do), and are into resistance training, you know how invaluable a good spotter can be when exercising. They are highly recommended when lifting heavy weights and pushing past your limits, bench pressing especially. What is a spotter? Unlike a coach or trainer, spotters aren’t required to be professionally trained. While they should know the weight you are handling, be able to lift it, and have good posture so they don’t hurt themselves, their main goal is to make sure you don’t get hurt. They reach out when you are struggling with the weight, or if your muscles give out, allowing you to work and focus on the task. This means you can keep going at times when you couldn’t on your own.

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An emotional spotter

A few weeks ago, I was awakened to the devastating truth that my parents’ marriage may be ending. I was overwhelmed with the fear that my family would no longer be intact. I was drowning in my thoughts and emotions. There were so many unknowns and questions. I was on the bench without a spotter. I lost my grip on reality. That weight hit me hard, and sent me reeling.

I believe that each of us have been on that bench trying to carry our own weight. Maybe even feeling positive or confident about how we are doing. And then out of nowhere, BAM, something makes our grip slip, or our muscles weaken under the pressure. It’s as though someone added weight we didn’t see and we get blindsided.

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    When we go through something traumatic, extremely challenging or painful it is much like the bar falling on us. It can make it hard to trust ourselves under that bar and all the weight again. We are afraid to try, and worry the bar will fall on us once more. We need someone who can stand beside us as we brave the bar, an emotional spotter. A friend who we know will help us when we lose our strength, our conviction, our motivation, and our desire to keep bench pressing the bar called life.

Why an emotional spotter?

Are spotters really that helpful though? If our main fears are about ourselves, how can someone else help? In July of 2019, the Journal of Strength and Conditioning Research found that spotters help those on the bench improve performance and self-efficiency. These people on the bench press knew they could trust this person. They could work hard and it was as though nothing stood in their way. They carried more weight and did more reps (repetitions). The control group however (who didn’t think they had a spotter), felt like they were working harder but actually did less.

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While I grew up in a family that was close in a lot of ways, we weren’t very emotional close. My mom pushed me away a lot, and my dad was not comfortable emotionally. My brother became the person I knew I could trust emotionally. Although, he is 4 years younger than me and didn’t always fully understand what I was going through, he was there. He listened, he laughed with me, and he recognized when I was struggling with my emotional weight. He had become my emotional spotter.  

Recently, researchers examined how a lack of emotional support impacted mental health. The results found were similar, whether they were lacking support at home or from the people around them. These people felt severely to very severely depressed (40%), had severe to very severe anxiety (34%), and experienced severe to very severe stress (25%). Those are pretty high and telling numbers, especially when you know that this data was collected from 1629 participants. Emotional support carries a substantial weight in regard to our mental health. If we are already experiencing stress, anxiety or depression, a lack of emotional support will only add to the challenges we are already facing.

Having a friend who can spot for us is invaluable. Someone who can stand beside us when we do not feel strong. Someone who doesn’t have to say anything, but who cares enough to be there. A quiet friend who listens, laughs, is attentive and truly loves you through a hard time.

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What can you do?

Roughly 1 out of every 4 people feel like they have no one to turn to for emotional support. That number may seem small, but out of 7 billion people that is 1,750,000,000 people. You likely won’t even come into contact with that many people in your whole life.

The point is to lift the one.

You may be thinking to yourself, “can I really help?” You haven’t been in their place. You don’t know exactly how it feels even if you have lifted a similar weight. Their muscles or style are different. You can say honestly, “I may not be the best choice for a spotter. I am not the strongest or the most skilled, but I am willing to be here for you in whatever way I can”.

However, feeling or being unqualified may actually be a good thing. Too often, emotional spotters try to be act qualified. They give advice and say they’ve been there. The best thing to do is recognize that you don’t know or understand completely. Then, quietly stand there and give a little lift when they need it.

They still do most of the work, but it changes everything that you are there, ready to support them when they need it most. You don’t need to have all the wisdom or words. Just be a friend when many are afraid or awkward around the other person, because they aren’t sure how to comfort or console them.

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Don’t be afraid of what you can’t do.

Recognize that what little you can do will make all the difference.

Let us reach out, step forward, and volunteer our time and effort to the one. 

Perhaps you’ll find that on your own bench there are people willing to be your spotter.

References:

Arafa, A., Mohamed, A., Saleh, L., & Senosy, S. (2020). Psychological impacts of the covid-19 pandemic on the public in Egypt. Community Mental Health Journal, 57(1), 64–69. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10597-020-00701-9

Boersma, P., & Vahratian, A. (2021). Products - data briefs - number 420 - October 2021. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Retrieved November 10, 2021, from https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/products/databriefs/db420.htm

How to be a spotter at the bench press. Halt Fitness Systems. (2018). Retrieved November 14, 2021, from https://haltfit.com/spotter-bench-press/

McKay, B., & McKay, K. (2021). How to spot someone on the bench press. The Art of Manliness. Retrieved November 14, 2021, from https://www.artofmanliness.com/health-fitness/fitness/how-to-spot-someone-on-the-bench-press/

Peart, D. (2009). Who's your emotional spotter? Peart Team's Blog. Retrieved November 14, 2021, from https://peartteam.wordpress.com/2009/08/20/whos-your-emotional-spotter/

 Sheridan, A., Marchant, D. C., Williams, E. L., Jones, H. S., Hewitt, P. A., & Sparks, A. (2019). Presence of spotters improves bench press performance: A deception study. Journal of Strength and Conditioning Research, 33(7), 1755–1761. https://doi.org/10.1519/jsc.0000000000002285

Your best friend in the weight room: The spotter. Halt Fitness Systems. (2017). Retrieved November 14, 2021, from http://haltfit.com/best-friend-weight-room-spotter/